You can't change if you don't want to change

If change is the only constant in life, why is it so difficult to change? Lately, I have been vexed by this question in my own personal life in the context of people around me. I am sure, each of you have had similar experiences either within your own self on reflection or know of someone who is unwilling to change.

I view change from the lens of inter relationship, patterns, connections and dynamics that are at play. You and I are wired to have a sense of self and a sense of the outside world. Our sense of self and the outside world is built through genetics, our brain wiring, environment and the conditioning that we grow up in. This gives us a perspective of what we believe in. Over the years as we grow, our habits and patterns become deeply wired forming our core beliefs of who we are and how we see the world. We also form a sense of righteousness which becomes who we are, what we believe in.

As we grow and form a sense of identity, we form behaviours such as rigidity, obstinacy, malleability etc. People fall into a continuum of personality traits from the most rigid to the most malleable. We are all unique, you know.

"The power to change is within us; only within us - always has been" - Santo

Our habits, patterns, behaviours are all changeable with the ability to change granted only to us. At the crux of this ability to change is the perception, senses and our thoughts. We are ingrained to think inwardly as well as outwardly.

Our thoughts of us, the self talk, the inner musings are a combination of reflection, at times self defeating and at other times motivational and uplifting. On the other hand, we have been granted with five senses out of which we use the sense of sight, touch, hearing the most for a sense of our outwardly connection and opinion of the world. We see this outwardly world with our lens and our senses; with our own righteous lens.

This sense of righteousness and a belief of our own self makes us more inclined to question others, wanting to change others to what we believe is right and ultimately to control others to a degree. When I grew up, I also had a sense that I could control the world, control everything around me. That is so untrue as you can influence, cajole but the control is finally within our own selves.

There is another element at play in terms of our senses and thoughts. Any change requires reflection and our thoughts to concur that a change is needed. Since, we are so outwardly focussed in our day to day life, we hardly give attention and focus to our own thoughts. Reflection provides an ability to decision make about our own self. Without a true reflection, the need to change doesn't exist.

This reflection has constant hurdles on the way with fear of unknown, fear of action, the sense of self-worth and the negative self talk, lack of desire and motivation to change and the multitude of excuses we find on our daily lives. And that is why its so difficult to change as change requires a jolt of reflection which forces you to take action, drives you to a state where you believe, change is the right outcome for you. Ultimately, change requires you to believe that you need to change and self-reflect to take the actions worthy of the change.

Just as the quirks of this beautiful life, our own self is quirky too. Imagine a person who is so malleable that he wants to change at the whims and fancies of others and also imagine a person who doesnt want to change at all. You would want to be somewhere in between, retaing your best self and changing other parts of you for the better. Make a choice and choose the change that is a better YOU.